Fuck a duck.

Court's on wendesday, to see if we get the kids or not. It's fucking killing me. I refuse to be at the house when the day comes. If I lose those two, I'll never forgive myself, ever.

I feel terrible about it, too.

Because I know a deep seeded part of me wants them to leave. But more of my wants them to stay. Wants them be with us, instead of someone else. I'm glad for that, I love them more then I love god. I love my family so much. I don't know what I'd do if I lost them.

Yeah, so they're monsters. So they are rude little shits with the sense god gave a billy-goat. ....But they're MY little monsters. I'd do anything for them.

No one will ever know how satisfying it is to walk in the door and hear two little rug-rats screech, "MY JINNY~!!!" And then climb on me like a jungle gym. It's better then any drug, or any candy, or anyhting I can think of yet.

If they leave me,
I don't know what I'll do.

But, I know that sometimes you have to give to receive. That's why I want what's best for them. Wether it's with us or not.

I just don't know anymore.